Sssssooooo

like any other college student who doesn't know what to do with their lives i'm in a stump.

Feeling unmotivated and just going through the routine i want to go and try some things, maybe get myself back into looking for a career i want maybe...

So for over the last year in the half i been trying to apply for the Disney Intern program. I heard that its not only good work experience but let face it. Disney. If i were to get in....

I haven't been to Disney World since i was a kid down in Florida.

Wanted to get slimmed but my mom wouldn't let me >_>

But anyways, the first time i tried to applied the application date had already passed for the summer internship(since i go to school Fall/Winter semesters) and that they weren't even recruiting at the college i was going too

So decide to wait, the next time they message me for open application last year they said they weren't doing an internship for the summer, just for Fall and Spring. (I was counting on you Disney D: )
I just got an notification of them recruiting for the Spring Session Next year.

Honestly, i want apply, and if i get in just skip a semester and work, get experience, do something new.
But what does mother say to the idea?

No.

Her reasoning, it has nothing to do with school in anyway. And if i just do one semester and just skip the other it would be a waste of money from the student loans and add to the debt.  

I can understand her side but i wanna do this.  

I need experience, and not to mention it would be nice to do something cool.

Which i never get to do on my own.

My brother has been the one that get to do everything.

He been to Japan twice now. The first time was through a school program and they went during the summer for two weeks. the second time is this year, but he been going to school there for almost a year. (which my mom and dad pretty broke the bank and loans to get him on)

But me? I don't get to do or go anywhere.

There was a time where i got a letter from a student ambassador program to go to China and London back in high school. And i recommended by my Government Teacher to go to Washington DC and do a speech program. (which mother also said no to)

I missed the one to go to China but i really wanted to London. We went to the meeting for it and everything, but it was 7000 dollars, She wasn't willing to pay that much for it. (she pay over 3000 dollars for my brother first trip to Japan).

So i missed my chance to do that too.

Honestly i want to just quit school, but i don't have a job to even pay off the student loans i built up. I can't even get a job interview for all the jobs i applied for (i got one but that pretty much went bla, not to mention it was my first one).

I'm sick of people asking me if i decided my major or keep pushing me into medical field. Or they keep telling me to go get a job and not laze around the house all day.

I haven't been able to get my driver license yet to even drive so i can't go anywhere, not to mention you pretty much can't do anything without money. And taking the bus cost money. Which i don't have. Dad keep complaining every time he paid for my bus passes to just go to school. (brother been gone for the year so i had to take the bus)

I'm looking through and using online programs and stuff to see if i can decide on a major but it hard.

I know i not doing anything that involves math of any kind(Keep having close calls in just he basic math classes so i doubt i could do it anyways) Not going into a medical field, specifically nursing, who people keep pushing me towards. Even thought there a demand it not a guarantee i get a job, i talk to nurses who have their degrees and say they been out of school for a couple of years and still haven't been hired or found any openings.

I definitely know neither my writing or drawing will get me in any careers. And i don't have any time to even try out for sports let alone, any other after class activities(since the buses i need to take home stop running after 9 PM anyways, and i don't want to be out by myself out night, considering how small and young i look people think i'm a easy target)

I'm almost done with my Requirement courses, people keep telling m i have plenty of time but....it running out.

And I Don't Know What To Do.

And it scares me.

Everytime i try to do something new i get shot down,

Everytime i try to think i'm good at something i'm not.

I'm scared.

And i'm alone at this point.

This is the time to grow up and begin the journey into adulthood. But i don't think not ready for it.